Take 22 happy memories to do this.
Remember a time when you feel comfortable/happy....recreate the feelings inside you. Use it to create new states. Remember and write down how good it felt, re experience the feelings. The more you do this the more you are in control of your life. We operate from our experiences.
1. Happy times: first best memory I remember was when papi took me to Drefke's for my birthday to buy me a coloring book and crayons. He was always working, always gone and never attentive and that day he was attentive...to me! I felt so good. I felt loved and important....that I mattered.
2. Another happy memory I have is the way Mrs. Dewey treated me, never made me feel bad when I was late to school in the morning or after lunch....she always made jokes about it, and made me feel happy. I am so grateful she was such an attentive and loving teacher.
3. Another happy memory I have is when Miss Martinez chose me to be the recipient of the styrofoam chimney in Kindergarten. She had made it clear she would give it to the best behaved student. I tried so hard to behave that day. Others forgot and milled around her desk after lunch. I made sure I sat at my desk and sat quietly. I thought she did not not notice, but she did. When she got ready to give the chimney away, she passed by my desk and my heart sank. But she quickly turned around and placed it on my desk. My heart soared with happiness!!!
I was so grateful for that moment in time. I felt like I had been noticed, I did matter, I was a good girl.
4. I remember Mr. Badillo bursting into my math classroom in high school, yelling at me why I had not told him I had been accepted into Wheaton! I was surprised, shocked and pleased all at once; felt so good he thought the news was important enough for him to leave his office and to come see me in my classroom. I felt like I mattered and was important to him. It was a good and happy feeling.
5. I remember Mr. Stroud in high school taking the time to talk to me about the papers I wrote; he shared Siddartha with me, which was way above my reading level, but I made myself read it and sort of understood it. I felt good that he considered me to be a student worthy enough to read this material, which I felt was way above high school level at the time.
6. I remember some very happy times in San Antonio when I would come home from college and go drink tea with Margo at Luby's. We drank tea and talked and drank tea and talked and got all jittery and happy from all that caffeine and it was so wonderful. Those were some really good memories!
7. I remember a teacher at the school I taught in in Pharr who saw that I was overwhelmed with doing end of year stuff in cum files ....I had not had to do that in Ca and I was so far behind! She came to me and asked me if I needed help and I did and she sat down and helped me do the cum files for all 44 students (or more!). I was so grateful and so relieved I didn't have to stay another day! I don't even know what her name was !
8. I am so grateful for my grandmother Gertrudis, whom I never met, but she was such a powerful influence on my father and his education. Had it not been for her and her wanting the best for him, I would not even be in America and have a Master's degree.
9. I am so grateful for my mother, who pushed me to study hard both in English and Spanish. Had not been for her, I would not be literate in both languages and would not be in the position I am in. She pushed me to do more than I was doing always.
10. I am so grateful for my father, who worked so hard day and night to provide for us and to just be there for us. He did the best he could and I am grateful he was there for us.
11. I am grateful for my grandparents Abelina and Alonzo, who gave birth to my mother. Had it not been for them and their work ethic, my mother would not have survived and brought up as stoically as she did.
12. I am grateful that God gave me my son Alonzo for the 20 years he was allowed to be here. The experiences I had with him pushed me to grow as a person. He continues to push me to strive to grow. Thank you, God, for Alonzo. Thank you, Alonzo, for everything you taught me.
I love you.
13. I remember when Roy, Alonzo and I traveled to CA for Jillian's graduation in 2000. It was the last year I can remember being so happy. I remember being in the Grand Canyon and feeling the exhiliration of the height, the depth of the canyon, the brisk, gusty wind and the excitement of being in such a wonderful, energetic place.
I remember Alonzo's excitement in panning for gold in the redwood forest. It was so much fun to see him so excited. It made me so happy. I am grateful that I can keep that memory in me always.
14. I remember when I first saw Vanessa after she was born. I had never felt such love in my entire life and I felt such a sense of wonderment and awe that this baby had been in my body for so long and that I had struggled so long to have her. I was so grateful for the end of the birth and for my beautiful baby girl.
15. I was so grateful that Carla was such a good and quiet baby. She was so beautiful and so good. I was so grateful for that and that she gave me a pregnancy with only 5 months of morning sickness.
16. I am so grateful for the memory of Adan in his little brown boots. He loved his little boots and wore them everywhere, with shorts or pants. He was so cute, so verbal and so happy as a little boy. He was always so excited about everything he saw and experienced.
17. I was so grateful for those Christmases that the kids and I and Roy went caroling. It was such a nice and fun time we had together. I am so grateful also for the times we took walks after supper together through the golf course. I still remember the times that Alonzo plopped down to rest because his little legs just wouldn't hold him up anymore and Roy and I would take turns carrying him home.
18. I am so grateful for my professor, Dr. Ina Dinerman, who believed in me more than I believed in myself.
19. I am so grateful for all the young children I taught at Northview and all the special notes I got from them. They made me feel excited and happy and loved.
20. I am so grateful for all of the adults I taught in ESL classes. They made me feel so wanted and loved.
21. I am so grateful for all the children I counseled at RCES the first year I counseled. That was the roughest year ever, but I learned so much from them and I felt so good to help children and their families.
22. I was so proud of Alonzo when he went back to Dobie to talk about his experiences with drugs during Red Ribbon Week. It was very difficult for him but he did it and I loved him all the more for it.
23. I am so grateful that God allowed us to have this house when we most needed it when Alonzo was exiting Phoenix and was coming home. It was so restful and amazing to come home to a truly peaceful place.
24. In spite of the fact that Adan has rejected me for so long, I truly love and accept him and am proud of his achievements. I was proud of him at each baseball game he played, each basketball game, each soccer game, each football game and each pole vaulter event he participated in. I love him despite his temper and anger.
25. I am so grateful for my husband Roy, who has been at a loss for most of our married life to understand the dynamics of what was happening and did the best he could, as did I, to survive.
26. I am grateful for my life that God gave me and my four beautiful children and my 3 beautiful grandchildren.
The journey I have been on has been difficult and I am have learned a great deal.
